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Saturday, January 29, 2011

I feel prompted to post this.

It's from a secret blog that you won't know about aside from this post, where I put down exactly what I'm feeling.

Here are lyrics to a Linkin Park song. Think of them at first as if he's talking about a relationship between two people; a man and a woman. Common relationship issues, maybe.

Read them.


Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening
It's like nothing I can do would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again
'Cause from the infinite words I could say I
Put all pain you gave to me on display
But didn't realize instead of setting it free I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me

(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)

[Chorus]
(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you
)

Hearing your name the memories come back again
I remember when it started happening
I see you in every thought I had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
And I knew as they escaped away
I was committing myself to them and everyday
I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me


(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)

[Chorus]
(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)

(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)

(Get away from me)
Give me my space back you gotta just
(Go)
Everything comes down the memories of
(You)
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you
(Know)
I let you go so get away from
(Me)
Give me my space back you gotta just
(Go)
Everything comes down the memories of
(You)
I've kept it but now I'm letting you
(Know)
I let you go

(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)

I've let myself become you
I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you
Giving up a part of me, I've let myself become you

Now look at them as if the singer (Mike Shinoda) is talking about Satan.

So what am I saying here?

Addictions. Looking at or hearing or paying any sort of attention to pornography or the affects of drugs and how the high can make you feel is extremely dangerous. Our minds are like a hard drive.

Have you ever truly erased something on a hard drive? My uncle bought a few HDD's a while back and had access to a machine with a Military grade data eraser on it. When he ran the file checker, it founds bits and pieces of the data still there.

Our minds are like this. When we look at something or hear something or experience something addictive, it stays with us.

Fighting it is hard. It's extremely hard, and anyone that tells you different is either lying or hasn't really been addicted. How do I know this?

Because I'm addicted to something. It's karking hard to break, but I'm not giving up. I won't give up, ever, because I know I have this weakness to better myself.

I won't let this become any more a part of me than it already is. The thoughts inside my head aren't the thoughts I should be having. I'm recognizing this now: I need to change my thoughts, and I've been given the upbringing to know how to do so.

Nephi said that God will never give us something that we cannot beat. Faith doesn't make things easy. It makes things possible. Like repentance. So what do we need? Faith and courage and a strong will to break what we're bound to.


Thinking about your failures, every time you failed to break the addiction entirely, isn't something I'd recommend. If you do it at all, use it as a tool to spurn yourself forward, not a tool to bring yourself down. That's Satan's job; to bring us down lower than what we are.


What are we? We are spiritual Sons and Daughters of God. A loving and eternal Father in Heaven that knows our needs and wants and fears and hopes. Including the hope and want to break an addiction. He's there for us, always.

So what's my point?

Addictions become parts of us.
Through faith and repentence and a firm relience on Him and His Gospel, we can break it. I've tried it without Him. I lasted two days. I tried it with Him. I lasted three weeks and even had withdrawls. I'm at the point where I'm looking forward to having those withdrawls again, because that means I'm CLOSER to BREAKING the addiction instead of being a slave to it for forever.

I'm not going to apologize on my blog. If you aren't interested in what I have to say, don't follow me. If it seemed rambly, oh well. At least these thoughts are out of my head and into pixels. By putting them into pixels, I'm saying that they're important to someone. In this case, myself.

-Jordan

1 comments:

Kyrenius-X2 said...

It's time for me to go vertical, and if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.