Monday, February 28, 2011

Smack Down

And I'm not tryin' to tell you
There won't be a lonely road
When it all comes down
You'll know just what to do

Come on, let's rip it, let's push that limit
If ya don't feel pain, that ya can't be winning

Times will be hard. That's a part of life. And if you're so numb you can't feel anything, how are you going to be able to push yourself and feel joy and life? Our purpose here is to ultimately go to Heaven and live with God. How are you going to do that if you can barely feel the Holy Ghost?
Too many people are numb. I was one. I'm feeling now, and it's a lot harder. Life was easier when it was numb. But Satan's plan was for life to be easy, for there to be no pain. If there was no pain, there would be no joy, and he'd get all the glory.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I love my friends!

I love them all. They inspire me, lift me up and ask for nothing in return. I hope I continually lift them up and help them through their problems. I hope I'm an example to them of something important and good.

I want to become a definition for persistence. Maybe not a literal one, where you look up the dictionary and see 'Jordan Jarman' there. But a good example of never giving up.

A friend of mine, Cameron, has a video blog he has done consistently for the last 18-19 days. Another friend of mine just barely started a blog to list all of her a-ha moments she has.
And yet another is thinking of starting a video log. And for those that don't know, I have one as well, where I actually haven't talked about my addiction and such. It's mostly rambles about my day and some stuff about writing and gaming.

Epiphany > Apology

I had a huge epiphany about myself as I was waiting for toast to finish toasting in the toaster... toasterly.

Anyway, I know why I got the feelings I did from that email. My mentor, Aneladee, helped me figure out that I love connecting to people. If I can't talk to said person, I'm not connecting. So that's like denying a part of me to be.
No wonder I had those feelings! I feel way better now. And I lied. I'm trying to stop(lying). The email was from a friend of mine's mother, who emailed me to tell me not to talk to her daughter while she was studying.
Huge fail on my part. Duh. So I owe said mother and daughter an apology and a thanks. lol.

I'm so confusing!

Last post I talked about swearing and how it doesn't affect me. And then I get a random spam mail from someone I don't know that said I shouldn't talk to them. I don't even KNOW this person, but it hurt. WTF!? My stomach is churning. Repeat: I don't KNOW this person. I've never met them before in my life, and my stomach still did belly flops and such... WTF? Or in Mando'a, tion'meg te kark?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Today at dance, during a really hard part (for me), I think I may have sworn. If you don't know me, or are new to my blog, I'm telling you now. I have quite the temper when I get mad. And I'm afraid I'm switching my addiction for the lesser (in my opinion) of two evils. Addiction or language?

I honestly don't mind swearing. In music, in movies, just generally, unless there's a ton of it or from someone I know that doesn't swear a lot, it just doesn't bug me. I've numbed myself against it, unfortunately.
If I had to choose right now between a problem with swearing and a problem with my addiction, I would take swearing every time. But I would rather have neither than one.

Six Months

There's a chance that, because of my addiction (ever annoying thing that I'm beating quite handily now with some Heavenly help) and the program I'm going through, I may be held back from going on my mission. For six months.

Not really liking that, but if that's how the situation ends up, I'm going to be mad and happy. More time to get ready, but it'll be weird going out when I'm 19 ½ instead of 19.
*shrugs* What comes, comes.

Monday, February 14, 2011


"Move if you just feel like breaking"

-MOVE by Thousand Foot Krutch.
I've been thinking about this a lot. I used to think he meant dancing, and maybe that's all he means, but there are some other things we can take from this.
Move, an action of movement or exerted force, if you feel like you're about to break, or fragment. Moving possibly towards something that heals?
Moving to get away from what's breaking us. And if that's sin, then are we moving towards repentance and God, or away from Him and His plan for us?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Replace 'hate' 'pain' etc for the problem you're facing. Anger, fear, addiction, most of them work.