Thursday, March 31, 2011

Reversing the negative

And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me.
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you.
And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore.
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me.

And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge.
And this is how I break apart when I _finally_ hit the ground.
And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain.
And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away...

- - -

And this is how it feels when I keep the words you spoke to me.
And this is where I find myself as I walk beside you.
And this is who I am when I discover myself again.
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me.
And this is how it looks when I am standing beside you.
And this is how I heal myself when I finally stand up off the ground.
And this is how it feels when I am no longer broken.
And this is how I live when I learn to love myself...

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Mewd Battlez

I'm not I'm not myself
Feel like I'm someone else
Rotten and faceless
So hollow hollow inside
A part of me is dead
Need you to live again
Can you replace this
I'm hollow hollow and faceless

I'm faceless
I'm hollow and faceless

I haven't had one today, but that's what I feel like during a mood battle.

Do you believe in ghosts? Why or why not?

Ghosts... or spirits?

Ask me anything

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Are you better at using your brain or your brawn?

Brain... I hope lol

Ask me anything

Friday, March 18, 2011


There's so much to be grateful for. I wasn't feeling it a few minutes ago, and then I reminded myself.
I have a house.
I have a house... with carpet.
I have a house with a heater.

I have electricity.
I have a loving family.
Of 9. And I trust them all.
My friends are spiritual giants.
My friends have great senses of humor.
My friends love me, and I love them back without conditions.
My friends believe in the same principles I do.
I'm grateful for those qualities.
I'm grateful for being here.
I'm grateful for friends that stand by my side when I need them and are there even when I don't feel like I do.
I'm grateful for my clothes.
I'm grateful for my mentors.
For faith.
For knowledge.
For tolerance.
For temperance.
For God, above all; without Him, none of us would be here in the first place.
For scriptures.
For Hymns.
For my generation.
For feelings.
For height.
For color.
For bodies.
For tools.
For sound.
For life.

What are you grateful for?

Fight inside and Death of Me by Red

Combine them.
You get what I was feeling like earlier today. I honestly thought that beating this addiction was going to kill me. I wasn't in physical pain, but the emotions sucked.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Eating habits

I'm realizing that I'm not eating healthy. In fact, I barely eat at all. I'll often skip lunch without meaning to. This can be a serious detriment to my health! I wanna stay healthy!
I don't think it's an eating disorder, but I don't really know that much about them. I don't think it's anorexia either, since I'm not a beanpole anymore. But I'm not really sure what it is. When I eat what seems like it should be enough for an 18-year-old-guy, I feel like I'm about to throw up. My stomach churns and I've had times in Dance class where I felt like I needed to go and throw up. It's usually as we're having announcements.
When I do eat a bit, I feel strange, like I'm almost missing the feeling of being hungry. I HATE THAT FEELING, why should I miss it? It doesn't make sense to me. But just because it doesn't make sense doesn't mean it isn't there. I need to eat more, and a lot more, but having the food in the first place helps. :\

Monday, March 14, 2011

Feeling emo

AND HATING IT. I feel like a whiny toddler got a hold of my brain and someone fed him pain pills. Yeesh, I'm taking everything personally.

Friday, March 11, 2011

My daily goals

To do at least 25 pushups a night, and then do at least a full minute of a plank.
To go to the temple with my friends before I leave on a mission.
To treat everyone with the respect they deserve as a child of God.
To piss Satan off as much as I can. Because one of his primary goals is to make the daughters of Zion cry and have the men do nothing. And it pisses me off because it's working. Wake up, men, and feel! Being numb isn't going to get you into the Kingdom's of God!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Music is the language of the soul. When people look at what you're listening to, they're looking at a part of you.
Agree? Disagree?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I look at myself...

I see myself in the mirror and it looks weird. I look OLDER. o_O I’ve grown, and realizing that is a strange concept to me. I’ve just always figured that I’d be about the same throughout life for some dumb reason.
It’s a strange feeling to see it in front of me.
When I saw my reflection in the mirror of dance class yesterday, I saw something weirder. I was standing up straight, and I looked strong instead of a beanpole. That was a strange feeling.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Stolen from my Tumblr

I guess it's not really stolen if I say it... right? Anyway.

My friends

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. They inspire me, move me, love me, help me, learn with me, live alongside me and complete me in a fashion that few other things ever will. They stand beside me when the world’s not going my way. I hope I’m always at their side when they need me - no; even when they don’t need me, I want to be there. I love every single one so much. They mean more to me than they can imagine.

They stood beside me when I needed them. My fear that they wouldn’t was unfounded and unfaithful. I am sorry for that.

The hardest thing about the thought about leaving on my mission is the feeling I get of me missing out on their experiences. On their trials, their journey’s and experiences. I’m going to miss them… for maybe an entire day out of two years. After that, sorry guys, I’m gonna be too far into my mission and too focused on doing His work to worry too much about you.

But I swear, if you guys DON’T WRITE ME, I’m gonna… scripture quote you to death. Or something. >_>



Saturday, March 5, 2011

I Have a Website

Although technically it's just a domain name, but hey, it's MINE. >:D

It'll be full of my rants, writing, and such. Unlike buzz, facebook, and here, I won't restrict myself to a few posts a day or a single quote (which I will be doing from now on :P). I'm going to post my thoughts, period.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


I'm losing steam and losing it fast because I lost the papers with all of my notes that I wrote at competition! Ahh! And my cast of characters is getting HUGE. More characters right now means less time writing and focusing on one single character.

Which is why right now it switches viewpoints like every half a page. There's too much going on in each place for me to focus very long on one particular place and it's starting to get frustrating.
There are like 13 characters now, and everyone is based on someone I know in real life. Except Ven. He's just the military guy that I'm putting in to show that not all of the troopers are like Devin. Ven is much more egotistical and will probably cause some tension among the characters, which will be both fun and hard to write.